An attempt to understand

His head hurt, he couldn't understand it. The fact that Noir was constantly feeding him drinks as well didn't help in the slightest. He had come in here to try and flirt with the gorgeous bartender behind the bar, but instead they fed him drinks until he could only lay with his head face down on the bar counter and groan unhappily. His mind was turning and soon it began to focus on his latest job- a babysitting gig. Someone was being held, perhaps a bit against their will, and when the one doing so was gone Lanca was sometimes called in to watch over them and it was pure misery.  He had been trying his best to make them feel better but no matter what he offered or what he said they still cried endlessly. 

 

"I have all of these skills Noir, all these things that I know how to do- When I'm out there I could be giving them the entire world on a platinum platter! And instead they're too upset about their lack of friends, or family, that I just sit around and do nothing." 

 

It was so, frustrating. But the man behind the bar didn't seem to understand his strife in the same way as they merely cleaned another glass and began to pour him another drink. Sure, Lanca was already drunk beyond a doubt but why not get him just a little bit more? "Have you ever considered people have human emotions and complex thoughts you couldn't be capable of even if you tried?" They asked, earning a bit of a glare from lanca. "Not everyone is happy getting kidnapped and tormented." 

 

"You go through that then you focus on the better things." Lanca grumbled out as he sat up straight to try and stare at Noir with such a disgruntled expression. "It's not like that's their whole life. Their life could be different. It could be 50% that, and 50% great. Instead they make it 100% Suffering." His disgruntled expression turned full on sour now. "Why make it 100% of the time? Why make that what you choose to do make the time you do have to be possibly happy, simply be miserable!

 

"For some people their whole life is their friends, their family, their pokemon. They find a sense of self in them and lose that part of themselves when it's gone until it leaves them just a husk. But, again. That's nothing you'd really comprehend. You live for yourself. Entirely for yourself.

 

You wouldn't blink if me, Al, or your pokemon all disappeared and died tommorow, you may be disappointed to lose your plaything but in the end? You wouldn't care. Most people would care." 

 

Noir spoke calmly, not out of any sort of disdain towards Lanca in this moment. Rather he merely spoke everything out as if it was a fact- which it was. Lanca always had a lack of humanity but Noir was to some degree impressed that he was at least making an effort to understand others.  Safe to say, the salandite fused man didn't appreciate any of this quite as much as one might hope. 

 

"You know, Noir. Usually I find your assumptions funny, but now they're just annoying. It's not that I wouldn't care, Noir, Sir, Family man. It's that I know better than to cry about something already done. Similarly, I don't just live for myself. I live to serve others." So what if he didn't cry when people died, what good did that do in his life? It didn't do any good and Lanca reached to lift up another drink. "I can be surprisingly selfless sometimes." 

 

His words only earned a scoff from the bartender who leaned down on the other side of the bar. Their arms were crossed as they looked to Lanca and an eyebrow was raised. Hmmm... Noir really was quite handsome. "Lanca. You'd be over it in two days and forget all about it in a week. That's called being self absorbed, not self less.  Acts of service don't make you a saint or everyone I work with would be fucking martyred by now.

 

... Didn't it though Noir? If you do something for others when it's not something you wouldn't usually do  and you don't request any kind of payment, that felt pretty selfless but he was willing to consider it. "Alright, then what do you suggest I do? Mr. knows why I'm fucked up. what should I do different?" 

 

"Nothing. Just keep being you. I'm just explaining why other people think differently."

 

Lanca stared blankly now at that reply. That... didn't help. Who he was wasn't doing anything right now and it was frustrating him. "And I'm telling you to explain what I can do different to help this kid better."

 

Noir sighed at it and he took a moment now, trying to think of how he could explain this better. Try to explain to this kid why what he was doing didn't work and why he should just keep being his selfish self. "Being you has worked for you this far in life, no point in changing now. It sounds like this kid values family and genuine friendship and you can't provide anything more than a vague mockery of it and that only adds to the hurt rather than soothing it."

 

The bartender had hoped that might be able to work but instead all he got was a glare and a scowl from Lanca who wanted to argue it. But there was no room to argue it so the drunken man didn't. "I. Want. To help him. Telling me that's impossible doesn't let me do that!"

 

"Do you want to help him to fullfill your desire to serve or do you genuinely want to help him? Would you help him if you were under no contractual obligation to do so."

 

The question hung in the air for a moment as Lanca thought about how to answer. He didn't see why this mattered. What difference did the reasoning make as long as help was given in the end. "I don't know, I want him to stop crying. I. Want him to stop crying. That's different from my employer so clearly that's not contractual obligation.

 

"You want him to stop crying because it's annoying you. That's not wanting to help, that's you wanting him to shut up."

 

The come backs of Noir now were starting to grind on his gears as Lanca stood up to try and face Noir more head on now. "Why does it matter if a desire to help comes from selfish or non selfish means as long as help is given??" 

 

Noir wasn't phased at all my the movements of the man. "Let's just cycle back to vague mockery of friendship. Some people only find comfort in genuine rather than the service itself."

 

Lanca was trying his best to understand it, if he wasn't then he wouldn't have started this conversation up in the first place and one could see the gears in his head turning. He genuinely, wanted to try and see what Noir was saying. "... But then we come back to the problem that I can't do anything. Whose to say that a vague mockery can't turn into a real one? I have people in my life I'd protect even if they did nothing for me anymore."

 

"Like who."

 

"Like Al."

 

Doubt was written clearly across Noir's face and something about that was highly disturbing to Lanca. "..You're telling me if he was an in accident and could no longer talk, go feral, or play any of your games you'd still protect him?"

 

"Yes."

 

The doubt only grew on Noir's face as he thought seriously about that. Lanca was rarely ever very serious, but his expression was dead serious and very displeased and the insinuation of Noirs. Of course he would still protect Al. "Well... There's one at least. It's a start."